i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
