I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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