he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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