So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
