I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
