Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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