We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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