I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I deserve this hangover.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
