some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
