I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We are all done wearing pants today
last night I used snow as a chaser
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
