we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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