she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
