those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
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They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
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Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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