my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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