oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
