Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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