I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
