Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
