That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
