He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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