good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
