glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
