dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
