I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My boob is missing a layer of skin
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
