Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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