I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
