we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
