I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
