Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
