she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
