I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
