Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My penis needs a shock collar
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
