we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
