Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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