I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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