I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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