There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
