I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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