i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
