Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
