It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
