so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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