Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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