I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
