you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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