It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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