I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
