dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
and she was petting her beer can
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
