you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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