so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
