just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
