she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
