fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
