i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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