nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
