In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I need water and some morals
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
