birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
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When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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