Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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