if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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