Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
