I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The ass gains better be worth it
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