Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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