the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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