im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
