she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
