I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
