I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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