If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we're making bets on your personal life
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knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
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But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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